How to End Negative Self-Talk

How to end negative self-talk and why you should do it now -

The first misconception of people who use negative self-talk is that they are just being realistic. The second one is that it makes them funny. ‘I don’t have a problem laughing at my account. I’m aware I’m not beautiful(smart, well dressed, that I’m fat etc.)’. When actually, using negative self-talk in front of other people, makes those other people uncomfortable.

Negativity is one of the worst things for our mental health. Negative self-talk is one of the most dangerous. Why? Because people who tend to talk negatively about or to themselves seem so determined to be right that it can be very difficult to convince them otherwise. Until they experience an ‘aha-moment’, negative self-talk will continue to limit their self-esteem to the point where it can get dangerous.

RELATED POST: 10 Hidden Signs You Need To Change Your Life

In this post, I want to show you how to end negative self-talk while staying realistic. And why you should do it NOW.

I remember one time when I went out with my friends, I told one of them that she looks great, which I honestly meant. She smiled and told me “Thanks, but you can lie to someone else”. That happened over 15 years ago and I still remember it. Not only does she think negatively of herself, but she also doesn’t allow others to say something positive. Because she’s being ‘realistic’ and others are just lying to her. Apparently.

Free printable self-love quotes - End negative self-talk

Negative self-talk is not realistic

If you think that being judgmental of yourself makes you realistic, it’s simply not true. You just chose to focus on the things you don’t like about yourself and ignore and take for granted the things you do. Now, I’m not saying you should act like everything is perfect and disregard the things you’re not satisfied with. That would actually be unrealistic. We all have to work on ourselves all the time. Keep trying to improve our lives and to become a better version of ourselves. I wrote about this in my post How to know if a guy likes you where I asked you to tell me (or yourself) one positive thing about the person you’re not a big fan of. I’m 100% certain that you would find even more than just one. Because there isn’t a person in this world who doesn’t have something special in her.

When you believe in something, you always look for the signs to prove you’re right. It doesn’t matter if it’s about something positive or negative, if you believe it, you will see it.

Ending negative self-talk, as many other things in life, takes time. You have to make an effort and work on it. It’s like you want to lose weight or shape your body. You can’t just imagine it and say it’s not working. This is something you have to commit to and have it on your mind all the time. Eventually, it will become a part of your personality. This is not a post on 4 ways to end negative self-talk. This is one way which includes all of these steps. So, let’s begin:

How to end negative self-tal and why you should do it

If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all

How we talk to ourselves becomes our inner voice. Negative self-talk can bring nothing good. You need to tell yourself beautiful things. So instead of saying I don’t like my hair, say I need to freshen up my hair – don’t focus on the fact that you’re not happy with how your hair looks, focus on how good you will feel when you get that haircut. Instead of saying I’m tired, say I can’t wait to go to bed – imagine how good you will feel when you’re at home in your bed. If you’re not happy with how you look in those jeans, don’t say: I look fat in them, say: I look better in something else.

You choose the thoughts that will lead you by telling yourself nice things. This way you’re not ignoring the things that bother you or you’re not satisfied with but you’re focusing on getting them out of your way and on how good it will make you feel once they’re gone.

And I will tell you a little secret: sometimes they don’t go away, but they stop bothering you and you even begin to like them. Yes, that is the power of positive self-talk.

Improve your vocabulary

In addition to the previous step, this one is not just focused on negative self-talk but on changing your vocabulary, even when talking to other people, to positive. You need to completely lose the phrases like ‘I hate’, ‘That’s ugly’, ‘This is disgusting’… and change them for ‘I don’t like’, ‘That’s less beautiful than…’, ‘That’s not very nice’… Saying those negative words out loud cannot in any way bring anything positive into your inner self.

By constantly using words like “I hate” as a part of your everyday vocabulary, you’re letting that feeling of hate go through your body all the time. And then it reflects on you, it becomes your inner voice and you start to use those words when thinking about yourself. It’s a chain reaction and you’re not even noticing it.

Related post: Little Things We Do Are Big To Other People 

Treat yourself like you would treat a guest

How to end negative self-talk and why you should do it now -
Photo by Zara Home

Most people, when they have guests coming, bring out their nicest things. Fine china, special plates that are only used for these occasions, same goes for the tablecloths, beautiful sheets if the guests are staying overnight and the list goes on. And why is it like that? So that our guests would feel good and welcomed, right? I guess it’s not a problem to put an effort into making someone else feel good. But when it comes to ourselves, we pretend like we don’t care, like it’s not important to us.

I often hear sentences like “Oh, come on(rolling eyes), I’m at home, I don’t care how I look, or how my coffee mug looks. I just want to drink coffee and that’s it”. On the other hand, when I see that same person looking all nice and I compliment her, I get an answer that goes something like “Oh(smiling face), I was in the mood to dress up”. The rolling eyes and the smiling face says it all. I guess a little self-care paid off.

I care how I feel, too. Even when I’m alone, I use my fine china every day. I don’t have plates or sheets I save for guests. Ikea is full of beautiful and affordable products for our home. I actually like to change those things every couple of years, so I never pay for them too much.

Treating yourself like you would treat a guest reminds you of those special things you enjoy. As time goes, it changes your point of view and makes you see the best of a given situation – like enjoying your morning ritual of drinking coffee(even if it’s just for 10 minutes) out of a beautiful mug that you bought yourself just to make your busy mornings less stressful. And slowly, without even noticing, it results in ending negative self-talk because you stop thinking about the negatives and focus on the things you enjoy.

End negative self-talk by showing your best

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love

To round-up this list of actions that will help you end negative self-talk, let’s focus on the way you present yourself when you’re out. The quote by Rupi Kaur “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” pretty much sums it all up. How you talk to yourself is how you’re letting other people talk to you.

Don’t walk around telling people how you’ve heard someone told something bad about you. If you are talking about what other people are saying about you, talk about the ones who said nice things. They deserve more to be spoken about.

Show respect for other people – it makes you look confident. Be kind – it makes other people want to be in your company. I wrote about how important these things are in my post Little thing we do are big to other people. But the best of all you can show is a smile on your face. It just makes everyone, including you, feel good.

If your child or a friend would talk negatively about her/himself, the first thing you would do is point out their positive sides. That is exactly what you should do when you start with the negative self-talk.

Free printable self-love quotes - End negative self-talk

I would love to read your thoughts on this topic in my comments below.

For more self-care inspiration, you can read my posts How to Live Better by Changing Your Point of View or Be Satisfied With Your Life…Accept it the Way it is or Change it

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How to end negative - When you believe in something, you always look for the signs to prove you're right. It's time to end negative self-talk.


  1. Love it. So true. Stop self pity and start appreciating yourself. If you want some change, commit and do something 😀

  2. This post arrived at a perfect time for me! I commited end of last year to change my negative self talk and be more positive, and also incorporated meditation and exercise again. Its helped. Great post!

    1. Thank you, Susana! I’m so happy you decided to work on changing your negativity to something that is good for you. I hope that will change soon.

  3. This is one of your best
    posts! I honestly think so! So inspirational!! Love it very much!!

  4. I really needed to read this. I talk so negatively to myself all the time. I love the change your vocabulary tip. I think this is what I am going to do first and hopefully I’ll end up one day not being so harsh on myself.

  5. I totally agree that negative talk can really brings a person down. We should all try to change the way we use phases to have a more positive impact on our lives.

  6. This is definitely something I struggle with a lot; I particularly resonate with the “I’m just being realistic!” way of thinking. I do believe I’m making small changes to end this way of thinking, but it’s definitely going to take some time. This post is really helpful though!

    Indya || The Small Adventurer

    1. Thank you, Indya! I’m so happy you found my post helpful. Focus on the things you like about yourself more, it will be a lot easier to change the things you don’t like.

  7. Awesome! My co-worker does this a lot and I never understood why. These are exactly the kind of articles she should be reading. Sending to her now. Thanks for the kind words 🙂

  8. This is such a motivational post for anyone who indulges in a negative approach towards their selves. I personally always try to maintain a positive approach but this is really helpful for those days when you loose track. 🙂

  9. I couldn’t agree more! For the longest time I was very critical of myself and I sometimes still am (I am German, so it maybe comes with the territory ;-)). But I have adopted a simple mantra that I call into my head when I find myself being too critical, again: Be kind! Be as kind to yourself as you are to strangers!
    It’s made me happier and it’s made me not just more accepting of my own faults but, strangely, also of other people’s faults.

    So be kind!

    Thank you!

  10. I love this!! Negativity is the biggest cancer that seeks to invade our lives on a daily basis so it’s important that we constantly deflect and reaffirm our true greatness. Thank you for sharing!

  11. I completely identify with this post as I always struggled to be positive towards myself. I was always so complimentary towards others but was always so negative towards myself especially when it came to my looks. Now however I do have much more of a positive mindset and while I know I am never going to be a conventional beauty, the main thing is I am working on the vocabulary that I use towards myself. It is so important to show ourselves self love .

    1. What is conventional beauty? Something that is beautiful to me, doesn’t have to be beautiful to you. I think you are beautiful and I hope you’ll see that too! ❤️

  12. I love this as this is totally me! I say awful things to myself that I would never dream of saying to someone else. I need to try to be more positive!

    1. Don’t punish yourself like that. You deserve better than that. What would you do if someone else told you things like that?

  13. In 2017, my intention was to change the inner tape recorder in my head and start to talk to myself like I would a friend. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m not sure my work will ever be over. That being said, after practicing so long, I’m at least able to catch myself now and instead tell myself how much I’m loved. x

  14. I love this post. It’s so easy to talk negatively to and about ourselves, but like you point out so perfectly, if we wouldn’t treat others that way, we shouldn’t treat ourselves like that. I’m trying to be better about this but I think that it’s a work in progress.

    Thank you for the poignant article!

  15. Irena, thank you. I agree with you and have been practising positive self-talk myself for a while. I have become much kinder to myself over the last few years but could still improve and so I still practice.
    Negative self-talk is something we are all guilty of and I have been raising awareness of this issue with my friends. Your article gives me a chance to reinforced the point and will be shared extensively!
    All the best,
    Emilie Marie

    1. Thank you, Emilie, for your kind words. Being aware that something needs to change is a job half done. I’m happy that you’ve become kinder to yourself. Now you need to be consistent and eventually, you will feel weird if you say something negative about yourself. I wish you all the best.❤️

  16. I really needed to read this because my family calls me negative nancy and I really don’t want to be known as being negative. Reading my bible more and it says there is life and death in the power of the tongue and I want to speak life. This was a great article and perfect timing. Thank you.

  17. I am lucky that I have a husband who is my biggest fan. I do tend to think negatively about myself. I so often compare my looks with that of my former college classmates who look like they never aged. My husband keeps telling me that I look good, and that I am the best wife and mother to our children. He really knows how to uplift my spirits! I remember telling him that “I hate how I look! I am like an overbaked potato!” and then he says, “But I LOVE potatoes!” 🙂

  18. I practice mindfulness on a daily basis and this has kept me on the positive side of my mind always. However when I do get to meet people who always see things negatively I do get this shudder. Very insightful post

  19. I used to talk really negatively about myself but thankfully I have stopped comparing myself to others as much and that really helps. I love the idea of treating yourself as you would a guest x

  20. Negative thoughts and self-talk is something I struggle with constantly and can put a stopper on my productivity, so this post is great. I’ll definitely be following these tips.

  21. You’re so right, so many of us don’t talk to ourselves well and all it does it makes us feel worse. I love the idea of treating yourself like a guest. Why should we keep all of our best things for others, we should enjoy them!

  22. Great, great article and great words. I need to end ” beating myself up” and negative self talk!

  23. I can stress enough how important self-love and acceptance is! ♥ For a long time, I used to talk negatively about myself considering I am being realistic. For some reason, I believed it will motivate and push me to do more and step out my comfort zone. I didn`t. But I am happy to acknowledge how important positive thinking is.

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